Fic Review: Edroar, The Angry Lion

Author: Tropical Sorbet

Author’s Twitter: @TropicalSorbet

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6037621/1/Edroar_the_Angry_Lion

Summary: Edroar the Angry Lion frightens all the girls and boys at Cullen Publishing with his loud roar. Will his new massage therapist Bella Swan run away like all the rest, or can she tame this savage beast? AH/AU OOC, Rated: M, Romance/Humor, E/B

Who would have to be so high-strung, so tense, and so… so, UPTIGHT that they would need to retain their own personal massage therapist: A massage therapist who would be on-hand at a moment’s notice? Reader, meet Edroar. Edroar, meet reader.

Bella Swan takes a job at Cullen Publishing as a massage therapist to the company’s head, Edward Cullen. Bella’s sufficiently warned about Edward’s lack of patience and general nasty attitude, as employees have dubbed him Edroar, the Angry Lion (the reason is discussed in the first chapter). Bella is no-nonsense and knows how to stand her ground against Edward– something he’s not quite used to, since everyone pretty much scatters and runs away in tears at his “roar”. Can you see where this is going? I was curious when the title of this fic was passed around on twitter and was intrigued. I’m very glad I started reading, because honestly, it’s some of the best E/B banter ever. Here’s a great example, taken from chapter 7:

I eyed him, inquisitively. “Haven’t you ever done something to help a friend who truly deserved it?”

He grimaced. “I don’t have friends.”

“Oh stop, you must have at least one good friend you can trust?”

“I trust no one.” a flicker of pain crossed his features before they stiffened. “You’d be wise to do the same.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think so,” my voice softened. “I could never cut myself off from bonding with other people.” I paused, as I took out my shovel. “Don’t you ever get lonely?”

“No,” he frowned.

He was lying to me and probably himself as well.

“Come on, that’s impossible.” I dragged out the last word. “I have a lot of close friends and I still get lonely every now and then. It’s human nature,” I hesitated a moment. “Are you sure you’re human?”

“I never said I was human,” he stated, coolly. “But, if having friends is a requirement, then no…I’m not.”

My brow rose dubiously. “Really, so if you’re not human, then what are you?”

He ran a hand through his tousled hair. “If I recall correctly you told me what I was on your first day of work.”

“Yes, I did and if I recall correctly you told me you knew what I was.”

“I do.”

“Well…what am I?” I was curious to hear what his twisted mind had come up with.

He contemplated his answer a few moments. “Perhaps, you should ask one of your friends,” and then the wall went up. “We’re finished here. You’re dismissed.”

I let out a frustrated gurgle. “Why must you always dismiss me?” I glared at him. “It’s so rude.”

He raised himself up from the table so that he was sitting at the edge, the sheet tossed loosely around him.

He actually looked insulted by my accusation. “It’s called leadership. This is a business, Ms. Swan. I am your leader.”

I grimaced. “My leader…don’t you think that term is a bit much?”

“No, I don’t,” he snarled. “Now go!”

“Fine, I’ll go.” I spat angrily. “But just so you know…good leadership is more than bossing people around. You should respect your employees,” I resisted the urge to point my finger at him. I turned and walked away from his reddened face and scorching eyes.

He chuckled darkly. “Respect is earned. I don’t give it lightly.”

I froze at his words. “You don’t respect me?” I was looking at him from over my shoulder.

He waved me off. “You’ve been dismissed.”

“I asked you a question,” I stomped my foot like a child.

He shot away from the table and stormed towards me. “You’ve been warned about your inappropriate behavior more than once,” he growled, lowering his face to mine. “You assaulted me, while I lay defenseless in your care, you intruded in my personal life,” his growl was steadily increasing.” And now you have the audacity to scold me with your unwelcome business advice,” he roared in my face, full on lion.

I wish I could say it scared me.

I really wish I could say it didn’t electrify…incite…arouse…and stimulate every fiber of my being.

But it did.

I ripped our eyes apart and walked over to the counter, slamming the book down pointedly. “Well, if I’m such an awful employee then why haven’t you fired me?”

Stupid question, but I was angry and really wanted to know the answer.

He was completely still for a few moments. I decided to shoot some more fire his way, so I stomped back over to him and looked directly into his eyes, ready for the storm. I was stunned by what I saw.

His eyes…looked wounded. It made no sense at all.

“Is that what you want?” He asked.

“What?” I was so confused.

“Do…you…want…me…to…fire…you?” He showed no emotion.

I thought about it a moment. Why did he care how I felt? The room began closing in on me. I couldn’t breathe.

God damn it…I was frazzled.

“I….I…don’t know,” I stammered like an imbecile.

He moved in closer making it worse. “You don’t know?”

“No,” I shook my head. “I don’t,” I worked hard to steady my breathing. What on earth was wrong with me?

His cool stare was covering me like a blanket. I needed to get away from him. I spun around to leave the room, but my footsteps weren’t getting me anywhere. I looked back and noticed his hand on my elbow.

“Not until you answer my question,” he warned.

“I can’t answer your question right now,” I huffed.

“Why not?”

“Because…you’ve… frazzled me,” I blurted out like a confession.

“I frazzle you?” He looked stunned.

“Yes, frequently.” I admitted.

He released my arm.

We were just standing there looking at each other. The animosity seemed to have dissipated. Slowly, I started to regain control of my senses.

“Why do you want to know how I feel?” I asked in a low voice.

“I don’t know,” he answered, honestly.

“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.

He was deep in thought for several minutes before returning his eyes to mine. “Answer my question,” he ordered, curtly. He was so damn bossy.

I raked my teeth across my bottom lip as I contemplated an answer. “Do you want the truth?”

“Of course.”

I inhaled deeply and slowly exhaled. “Okay, well… I find that I…uh….enjoy…making you angry.”

Jesus, Mary and Joseph; the secret was out.

He laughed. I liked the sound of it. I was sure his features had softened a little….very little.

A crooked smile formed at the tips of his lips. “Was that supposed to shock me?”

“You knew?” My mouth fell open.

“You were trying to hide it?” He looked confused.

“Of course I was trying to hide it. You’re my boss.” Did he think I was an idiot?

“Well don’t. I can’t stand liars,” he gruffed.

I choked, fully insulted. “I’m not a liar. I was trying to be respectful. Do you really believe your other employees tell you exactly what they think?”

“I don’t care what they think.”

“And you care what I think?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t say you didn’t. You care what I think don’t you?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Well, someone has to,” I folded my arms.

“Give it to me,” he demanded, impatiently.

I stepped away from him. “I beg your pardon?”

“The book. Give it to me.” He held out his hand.

“Ah ha!” I shouted. “I knew you were curious to read it.”

“Hardly,” he scoffed. “I’m intrigued to know what someone like you finds amazing.”

“Someone like me?”

“Yes, now give it to me.”

“You know saying please wouldn’t kill you.”

He glared at me menacingly.

I rolled my eyes before darting over to the counter, I grabbed the book and slowly strutted my way back to him swirling it around in the air tauntingly.

“You want it don’t you?” I teased.

He didn’t respond right away, but his eyes gave me the answer. They always did.

“Not nearly as much as you want to give it to me,” he grinned, wickedly.

“I only want to give it to you because I know it’s amazing.”

“We’ll see about that.”

“Yes, we will.” I handed him the book and headed for the door, feeling his eyes on me every step of the way.

I stood in the frame for a moment allowing my eyes to wash over him. He was still grinning…the cocky bastard.

Um, yeah. See? Totally hot. Their banter is serious foreplay. Edward’s hot, even when he’s sulking and angry.

TropicalSorbet is a very nice person, a true gem in the fandom and I’ve had the chance to talk to her on several occasions. As awesome as this fic is, it takes her forever to update, which she confesses to. She’s a self-proclaimed “tweaker” so it takes her a while to be satisfied with a chapter. With that said, I wouldn’t rec it to some of you out there who like to read finished fics or even those who like to read WIPs that have a fixed posting schedule. Sorry folks. It ain’t gonna happen with this story. However, if you hound her enough, she will write and maybe give you a teaser if you beg (which I’m not above doing, you see). When she does update, however, it’s always worth the wait, and I have insider’s information that it’s about to get pretty frisky, so go put this story on your alerts. You won’t be sorry!

-DH78